Sunday, September 24, 2006

i'm waaaay too pooped to think of a good song title, so blaaaaaaaahhhh.

Um. Yes. Why did no one kindly remind me that working full time is butt hard? And it is significantly butt harder to work and have a baby in day care. And his the butt hardest to work, have a baby in day care, and a husband getting a phd. Why did know one talk me out of this craziness? Calgon, take me awaaaaay!!!
My job is actually very intersting, but with the sad side effect that people at this company actually seem to work! It't the weirdest thing, but I walk in in the morning, and NOT ONE PERSON is surfing the net! No CNN, no gossip blogs, nothing! This does not bode well for me as I am used to having my requisite 4 hours of internet surfing everyday. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle doing ACTUAL work for 8 FULL HOURS!!! This might explain why I have been mainlining Diet Coke these last two weeks. I literally do not have enough energy to hit the space bar, much less type a whole email without it. Soooo, if I have been slacking on the personal emails, I am very sorry. I miss it more than words can say.
Aaaaaah - there's my song of the day..."I need you nooooooow, more than words can say, I need you nooooooow. I've gotta find a way, I need you nooooooow. Before I lose my miiiiiiiiiiid, I need you now".
I'm going to lose my mind if I write any more of that songs lyrics.

So, you will all be alarmed to learn that I at a dangerously low supply of Ambien. The red light has started flashing and the alarm is blaring!! Luckily, one of my fellow addicts has kindly offered to send me a stash until my insurance kicks in and I can have more. Dang insurance. Do you any of you find it a little alarming that I am actually having someone send me drugs via USPS to feed my addiction? I think I need to move to Compton and live in a crack house. I might fit in better.

So yesterday, I had a bunch of errands to run. I dropped off Ammon at school, picked up a 800 ozer of DC, went shopping at the outlets, bought a car, picked up Ammon, and went home. Full day, no?

I should also warn you that the purse addiction has reared it's ugly head again. I have found need for a different size/color/shape/personality etc. and of course the first 3 I have purchased are not QUITE it yet. I think I may be becoming OCD. But only with purses. Is there some other fun medication I can start for that?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly...I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky

I CANNOT get Kelly Clarkson out of my head! Perhaps this is because I was belting along with her in the car this evening and the lyrics have now been permanently etched into my subconscious. Before any of you starting making fun of me for enjoying my Kelly Clarkson, I ask you to take a close look at yourselves and be honest about YOUR guilty pleasures. Is it Dr. 90210? Jennifer Lopez romantic comedies? Or maybe just everything every written about Britney that you can get your hands on? Fess up now. Enquiring minds want to know! Actually, now that I write this, I really do want to know. So let's take a survey: please respond via comment as to what your favorite guilty pleasure is.
I'll list a few more to help you along:
1) Obviously belting in the car to Kelly Clarkson
2) People magazine and all forms of gossip, including everything on E! News, especially the Daily 10. Debbie Matenwhatsenthingy gets on my nerves but I still like to hear the goods
3) Really really really stupid action movies
4) The Apprentice (and Donald Trump - he kills me!)
5) Vin Diesel
Your turn. Bare your souls! It will feel like a great weight has been lifted.

On to new subjects. Sadly for all of you, it is 1am and I am up, but I have NOT taken an ambien tonight! Yet. Seeing as how I'm still coherent enough to write this, I may need to inhale one shortly so I get at least 23 minutes of sleep tonight. What the heck is wrong with me? I didn't even have any Diet Coke today, and you KNOW how hard that is for me! Anyway, I am up surfing Ebay, bidding on things I shouldn't, and listening to Ammon snore on the couch. He conked out after we finished watching Zathura tonight, or Zenthura for you Apprentice watchers out there. (and yes, Zathura could be considered another guilty pleasure. It was actually fairly clever and charming, but that is because it was directed by Jon Favreau, my secret love). So do I wake Ammon up, or let him snooze there happily until he wakes himself up with a nasty neck kink? Tough call.

This is probably a fairly boring blogging tonight, seeing as how I am not hopped up on both caffeine and sleep meds. What a shame. Well too bad. One has to take control of one's mental health I say! And actually, I am getting nervous that the Ambien is starting to do scary things to me. Like making me exceedingly spacey. And not just forget your own name kind of spacey, but drive off the road because I am looking at the prarie dogs in the field kind of spacey (incidentally, Boulder county has more rules about safety for prarie dogs than it does for humans, so there are quite an excessive amount of them running around. they are cute little buggers though). I kid you not; I have done this enough times that I starting to scare myself, not just Ammon, Addy (if she were aware of how badly I have been driving), and all the other drivers in a 50 mile radius of me. I have also been flipped off at least 4 times since moving here (all in Boulder), and I'm not sure if that is because I really am driving like a drunken prom date or because Boulder is full of crazy, angry hippies. Probably both. It is alarming how angry all the hippies are here. It's very strange. It's as though they all have had an overdose of wheatgrass juice, and have turned into a bunch of mean, mini Hulks with dreadlocks and socially conscious vehicles.

Anywho. I am off to wake the sleeping beastie. Good luck to me!!

Gotta make a wish, take a chance, and make a change....aaaaaaah Kelly. You sing it girl!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

response to yesterday...

Sadly,"the pegster", you are incorrect. The correct reference is Cinderalla via Masterpiece theatre with Jennifer Beals and Matthew Broderick. True cinematic genius. However, you get a nickel because you were close.
By the way Pegs, I've noticed you have a new name everytime you post a response. Have you become schizophrenic? Kisses.
the mickster
(p.s. if you ever call me this i'll bite your knees off)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

...a dream that will neeeeeed all the love you can giiiiiiive, everyday of your liiiiiife, for as long you LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVE!

I was just rereading over my blog because...okay I can't think of another reason than it is almost as good as hearing yourself talk. Anyway, I was rereading my blog and realized that I was much funnier in Seattle. Perhaps Colorado is not a funny state. Or maybe I am just a lot funnier when under extreme duress. I love that word. I suppose that makes sense: funny = coping mechanism. Aaaah. So since I have now entered The Salad Days and only worry about whether the orange or the red curtains would go better in the dining room, I have ceased to amuse.

In order to address this situation, I have decided to think of more things to be stressed about.
#1) I cannot go out in public without wearing an entire Joann Fabrics worth of spandex sucking in every wayward and rogue fat cell on my body. This is not good as the spandex tends to cut off my air supply ($.50 if you can name this quote: "'but mother! I won't be able to breathe!'. 'One night of suffocation isn't going to kill you'"). It also leaves VERY scary deep red canyons all over where my skin has been sucked in with too little mercy, which incidentally take hours to go back to normal. Sort of similar to having edema when you're pregnant and walk around with thumbprints in your feet all day.

#2) The amount of stretch marks I have could honestly be a world record. From neck to knees and slightly farther, I look like a striped tiger, although much less graceful and fluid (and hairy thankfully), and just a smidge less fit. No, I don't think a striped tiger does it justice. Those few of you lucky enough to have seen some of them, any suggestions? Looking for a righteous metaphor here. Honestly though, words utterly fail to describe the unholiness of these stretch marks. They are like mad beasts that multiplied underground and made giant troughs in my skin. Oh I know! They are like those nasty underground monster things that Kevin Bacon had to fight in Tremors. Man those were nasty, and these stretch marks could give those suckers a run for their money. This didn't bother me until now (I was feeling very noble and giving and put this on the list of maternal sacrifices for my little nugget) because Ammon wants to start taking Addy to the pool, and unfortunately, they tend to frown on mumus as swim attire as they tend to strangle and drown the wearer. I bought two swimsuits yesterday from the clearance rack at TJ Maxx (you can tell I don't consider this a good investment) but I am still too afraid to try them on. I just don't feel like I can inflict the site of these thighs on the unknowing public! Too cruel. I will have to wear sweats and hope I don't drown.

#3)I am stressed that I am the only person in my ward that does not own a denim dress/jumper/floor length button up skirt or vest. I will never fit in becuase I refuse to buy any of the aforementioned attire (I don't even know where you find that stuff anymore. Wasn't it all confiscated by the government back in the 80's and hidden in a nuclear waste plant?). Alright. I know. This is starting to sound snobby and judgemental. My apologies to denim everywhere. I will add for posterity that I do have a knee length denim skirt, but it in no way screams "everyone wore these in Can't Buy Me Love!", so it passed the test.

Friday, September 01, 2006

I think we'realone now (alone nooooooow); there doesn't seem to be anyone aro-hound.

Does it frighten anyone else that some unknown person keeps putting comments on my blog about buying Ambien online? Isn't that just a really, really, really bad idea? I sort of think that if I were to do it, one of three things would happen:
1) instant death by spontaneous combustion
2) i will grow large hairy horns (out of my head, I hope)
3) i will be in a perpetual state of ambien bliss, which granted, is really fun for me; not so fun for anyone trying to communicate with me, i.e. the rest of the world.
So whoever you are out there, please please please for the love of all things holy, stop suggesting that I buy drugs online, likely from some 15 year old pimply faced teenage boy with a playboy sticker on his is giving me nightmares.

Anywho. So it looks as though I have become extremely computer savvy and have *gasp* actually learned maself real gud how to upload pictures. This is my two spastic dogs rolling with unhibited joy on their new lawn. It actually looks sort of freeing and fun, however, it did (thankfully) occur to me that the neighbors might become alarmed if they see me out there writhing around on my back with my legs in the air like a dying beetle.

I also need to post a picture of my little round-headed child. Ammon told me the other day that he was often called Charlie Brown as a kid, and this made me very nervous for Addy's future self esteem. I hope she doesn't read this someday and either hate me or feel mortified (or both). At least at this age, her little round head is totally adorable (at least I think so). Her fat rolls are pretty cute too. Have you noticed that we love fat rolls on babies and mercilessly tease those with fat rolls as adults? Not fair. I really am just an older and much larger version of Addy and I think everyone should come up and pinch my rolly thighs and chubby cheeks and squeal about how cute I am. Don't you?

And since I am having so much fun with pictures, I will leave you with two parting visual images for the day: two of my sisters in law, Neoma and Carol, who are both with child, by the way. Perhaps that explains the outfits? Behold: