Saturday, August 12, 2006 other brothers can't deny. When a girls walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung...

So, I am officially... a loon. Or maybe a dodo bird. Either way - picture a large, mostly flightless waterfowl, who tends to crash headfirst when it has lifted off the ground, and who tends to run into things on dry land, and you have me. With hair. And contacts. I say this because tomorrow, I am moving to another state where I know officially one person, have no job, have a house I haven't the foggiest idea how we will pay for, and a teeny weeny little girl who is used to being held all the time by her 1100 aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents, etc. and who will now have to get used to being held primarily by her bouncy seat when mommy gets tired. Eee gads. Is this faith or insanity? There is a verrrrry fine line between the two, and one must be exceptionally careful when trying to tell the difference. In my case, I think there is a good chance I have crossed into the netherworld of insanity. I'll update you in a few weeks and let you know if that was the case.

Random Story #1 - I don't know if it's the stress or what, but I had an extremely wild and unruly hair this week and died my hair the MOST horrific and unearthly shade of orange you have ever seen. You know how some colors wash you out? This one actually made my face disappear completely. The ironic thing is that my husband actually liked it - he said it looked retro. This proves one of two things, or maybe both: 1) he is color blind, or just completely blind, or 2) he has as much taste as a giraffe. Also ironically, most of our male friends that saw this horror agreed with him. Perhaps all men as a gender are color blind? Except the gay ones. I'm pretty sure my friend Omar at work would have told me (and rightly so) that I looked hideous and to go get it fixed post haste. Which I did by the way. My hair color is now one that can actually be found in nature's wide palette of haircolors.

Sidenote: OK this woman on What Not To Wear has the biggest boobs I have ever seen. Why do such a large percentage of women with larger than F size boobs tend to wear the smallest tops they can find? What is this? Do they think that if they put on a size small their XXL boobs will magically shrink? I'm interested to see how Stacy and Clinton cover those bad boys up. I think they're going to need a tarp. Do they make tarps in cashmere?

Pardon my madness - I just realized that this is an extremely random blogging today, but nothing can be done. I have been so spastically stressed out and crazy that it's a miracle if I complete a full teeth brushing without thinking of something else I need to do and running off to take care of that instead (with toothpaste foam still dripping out of my mouth). Speaking though of crazy things people do when they are stressed - I have another fun Ambien story, Good land I love this stuff. Please don't think I am a naughty drug addict - just another person who really enjoys the medication legally and ethically prescribed by her doctor.
Anyway - Random Story #2. I heard this story about a woman who was gaining an absurd amount of weight for no good reason until she discovered that in the middle of the night, she had been horking down giant 24 packs of hot dog buns like a ravenous wolf, and then going straight back to bed and not remembering a single thing in the morning. True story. One night last week, I noticed that there was a bag of Skittles lying on our table that had been there for several days. I remember thinking to myself that I either needed to put them away or throw them out so I wouldn't be tempted to eat them, which was pointless because I only like the red and purple ones anyway (yes I am a Skittles discriminator). I got up the next day and proceeded to give my husband a very bad time for being a pig, because the Skittles had been carefully opened, mostly eaten, and then laid carefully back down. I was very confused and incredulous about his denial until I poured the remaining Skittles out to guessed it...there were only orange, yellow, and green left. Apparently I quite painstakingly opened the package and selected out my favorite colors without having any conscious awareness whatsoever about what I was doing. This actually scared my husband - he thinks I am now going to become the crazy night fox who attacks all carbohydrates after 1am with a vengeance, but remains blissfully unaware the next day.
I suppose he may have a point, and there have been a few other MINOR incidents to make him think this may not be the best route to take for my insomnia. Good example: the other day, I actually ordered something off of TV and from an infomercial. The Super Slim Shaper to be exact. I have a vague recollection of thinking that maybe I shouldn't buy it since I was feeling a little tipsy, but that went away quick and out came the credit card. Apparently I have also started shouting crazy things in the night and flailing about uncontrollably. According to my husband, it was "Addy fell out of the bed!!!!!!!! I can't find her - she is not in the bed, she fell OUT AND YOU HAVE TO HELP ME FIND HER!!!!!!!!w@#$@$##@%%$%$#% ". Snoooooooore. I of course have to memory of this one either. Oh and my kind friends will tell you that I have also started Ambien emailing, which is akin to drunk dialing, where I send out an email some random friend sounding like a total whackjob. I have started cringing everytime I open my Sent folder.

With all the above info, I would like to pose a vote.

Vote A if you think I should stop the madness and go cold turkey on the Ambien

Vote B if you think these stories are pretty funny and you want to see what bizarre thing I will do next. And you like me well rested (my Vote would be B).

I'll keep a tally:
A = 0
B = 1

Alright, time to go drunk dial; I mean Ambien email.


carol said... got back lullabyes now? anyway, Miss ya already and can't wait for my first ambien email (:

Dave said...

I say live on the edge! Keep the Ambien driven psychosis going! It really is a good read ya know.

Anonymous said...

Anyone heard of a pharmacy site called I got great generic Ambien and Phentermine 37.5 mg from them delivered to me in quickly. They ship with Fedex! I used the promo code FIRST and I got $15.00 off my order. I know it is still valid since my friend just ordered...anyone else heard of I really like them! Sarah

Anonymous said...

Are you talking about the animal trainer with the spaghetti strap tank tops? I saw those boobs too! I love that show...


Anonymous said...

Nice, Mick. You now have an Internet pharmacy following. Lucky!
Maybe if you start blogging about crack cocaine you can increase your circle of crazy Internet friends! :)

jlj said...

the entertainment factor CAN NOT be underestimated. the credit card bill and potential weight gain only come in very distanly behind the primary fun for us factor.