Who ever said that life on this planet would ever be paradise?

Anyone that knew that the title is an obscure Oingo Boingo lyric gets an extra 50 points.

I am sitting at my desk, happily (or not) trying to do my work, but am horribly distracted by the two crazies across from me speaking Dutch in extremely loud tones. Do you know what Dutch sounds like? I was going to try and mimic it but I give up. It cannot be duplicated. What makes it even more annoying is that it is a guy trying to teach our latest sacrificial newbie about a system of ours, but of course, there are no Dutch words for 95% of what they are talking about so it sounds more like this: "...Logoport blah la ble ble blah security ooofshe bloglog not user friendly anuuuu toolbar open segment translate lala iffffdahling click get match". WHY BOTHER?? and WHY IS THIS BOTHERING ME?

Is it because the new woman has eyebrows the size of small volkswagens that she very obviously takes great time and care with? My former Wells Fargo coworker suggested I leave a pair of tweezers on her desk with a note "from a friend". While this is an excellent notion, it would probably just serve to confuse her because she obviously thinks they are wonderful. She also wears excessive amounts of perfume, laughs way too loud, and generally makes me very jealous and insecure because she is new but has much more experience than me, and I'm afraid my boss will realize how truly clueless I am and fire my sad little bottom on the spot. Sigh.

She's dressed in yellow she says hello come sit next to me you fine fellow. You run over there without a second to lose and what comes next...

hey you bust-a-move.

OK seriously. Has taking Ambien made me lose IQ points? If so, we are in trouble because I am already at dangerously low levels post-baby. I don't have much more to lose! I was reading back over my blog (again. I am very self involved) and I have some of the saddest and most pathetic grammatical/spelling/pure taste errors I have ever seen! It looks like my little babykins Addy wrote this blog! I am so ashamed. As one who claims to be a Super Speller (4th place in the 4th grade spelling contest don't mean nothing, yo!), I am mightily embarassed at such a lack of good and proper English. Deepest apologies.

Anyway. Other than the obvious loss of intellingence it seems to cause, I now have an even deeper and more abiding love for my favorite drug. When I ran out last week (AAAHHHHHHHH!!! I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!!!! I MUST BREAK INTO THE SAFEWAY PHARMACY AND STEAL ALL THEIR AMBIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! that wouldn't be dishonest would it? alright fine) I took 2 (because the bottle says so, darn it!) Tylenol PM's, only to discover that in addition to the weight of my head increasing by 45 lbs, I also developed that oh so fun nocturnal joy called "Restless Leg Syndrome". This is actually a real syndrome. Typically it is experienced by old people on lots of meds, but I seem to have pushed myself into that category at an early age.
So, restless leg syndrome is where you feel the unquenchable urge to shake and wiggle your legs around like a complete spastic crazy person until either the meds wear off, or the weight of your head becomes so great that you are overcome with sleep (the latter is what finally happened to me). I don't think that's what the AMA Diagnositc Journal says, but so be it.

So after roughly 3 hours of Tylenol PM induced death-sleep, my alarm went off to me experiencing what I can only imagine feels like the worst hangover anyone has ever had. Minus the barfing. Needless to say, I was just a titch (2 hours) late to work that day because I didn't feel it would be safe for me to operate heavy machinery. Luckily for me, my boss and fellow co-workers were sympathetic as they too have experienced the TPM hangover. And of course, they had all sorts of natural remedies to recommend for insomnia - remember, I live in Boulder - home of the overly obsessed herbalists/naturalists/vegans/physical fitness addicts/ and other such health enthusiasts/crazy people. Did you know that I know of at least 4 people in my office that actually go RUNNING at lunch and come back and use the showers in the bathroom? I know those exist in lots of office buildings, but I have never in my life met someone who really USED one. And I wonder why I could stand to lose a few LB's myself. =)

"Well, enough gloom for one day!" (name the movie and i'll give you $100000). I'm off to try and sleep without the assistance of a tiny white pill. Or.....not.
In closing, here are a couple of pictures of my little button. Is there anything cuter than a naked baby? Definitely not a naked old person.
OK so she does not look terribly thrilled in this picture. I swear she really enjoys her baths! Honest!




Doesn't she look like she's going to attack you in this picture?

The dogs have commandeered the baby's piggy chair. How rude.