Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I am no June.

Hello campers. Today, I would like to discuss ovens. Yes, I realize that I have not blogged in months, and this may seem like an ill chosen topic, but hey - it's my blog.

Today, for reasons that will (theoretically) be discussed in a subsequent post, I have literally been cleaning my house for TEN HOURS. I kid you not. It has taken more Diet Coke and candy corn than you can possibly conceive. Not to mention that yesterday I cleaned for...wait...what day was yesterday? I seriously cannot remember. Oh yes - Tuesday. I cleaned for 7 hours on Tues and 3 on Monday. And, I'm not done yet. Never before and never again has/will this house been/be so magnificently sparkly.
I am just so overwhelmed with self congratulatory feelings right now that I really have to share them with you. So far, I have:
Dusted, washed windows, scrubbed toilets, cleaned showers/sinks, wiped down doors and doorknobs, vacuumed, cleaned carpets (including stairs), moved furniture, killed bugs, made something crafty, scrubbed out the trash can (not kidding), wiped down windowsills, done countless loads of laudry, scrubbed Ammon's hideous lazyboy (3 times cause the first time I used too much soap and made it crunchy), wiped baseboards, stripped sheets and put up Halloween decorations. AND I'M STILL NOT DONE. I am amazing.

OK back to ovens. So, for those of you that have an oven (I assume that's most of you reading this), does it have a self cleaning feature? And do you use it regularly? What a wonderful invention. Now do any of you have a double oven? If so, does it have the self cleaning feature on the 2nd oven also? BECAUSE MINE DOES NOT AND I'M VERY UNHAPPY ABOUT IT.
In my Diet Coke induced cleaning frenzy, I was Windexing the outside of the ovens when I happened to peek inside and thought to myself "Self, good job on setting the self clean yesterday. This makes your life wonderful and complete. Now self, let's just double check the bottom oven...". I won't tell you what came out of my mouth at that moment, but it wasn't pretty, nor was the oven.
Eee gads you have never seen such a mound of disgusting yuckified grossness. Honestly, did I blow up a jar of honey and then pour 6 lbs of bacon grease on top with a halibut chaser? Cause that's what it looked like.
Anyway, the point is that it was really nasty. The oven and I did battle for over 40 minutes, at which point I threw in the towel i.e. pair of rubber gloves (that I'm kind of upset about having to chuck because I got them for free with a coupon and I'm sort of attached) and called the fight in favor of the oven. Granted, the nastiness is now confined to a 6" diameter circle in the middle rather than the entire bottom half, so I had a small measure of success. As for that 6" circle, I don't know how that goo is holding on. Either it's made of an adhesive found only in hell and in my oven, or it has actually developed it's own consciousness and is hanging on by sheer force of will. Either way, I give up and I'm going to go have some poptarts. I think I've earned them.

**Sidenote - Ammon just got home and when I told of my Battle with the Oven, here was his response: "Ummm, yeah. You are looking a little greazzzzy. You might want to go look in the mirror". Love.


Unknown said...

To what does your house owe the honor of being so thoroughly and lovingly cleaned?! Has Addie gone stir crazy from your cleaning? Piper always gets impatient with me when I'm cleaning.

I love those guy comments. I'll spend the whole day cleaning, never having time for a shower and change of clothes, and Rick will come home and not notice the cleanliness of the house but immediately comment on my state of dress.

Celeste said...

Wow! Really, what brought on this cleaning? I think it's fabulous when I get a cleaning craving, but I've never been able to pinpoint what brings them on. Sounds like tons of fun!

Jen said...

My oven is self cleaning but really I'm just glad it has a door that I can close.

Diana Beck McCarty said...

I'm actually JEALOUS of a cleaning frenzy. I need to induce one in myself! Unfortunately no amount of caffeine can make that kind of dent.
LOVE the Ammon comment. so exactly what Patrick would say

Brandie Lyon said...

Your house did look amazing!!!

Michele said...

You should be a writer!!! I can not stop laughing even when it is such a sad story about an oven that sort of one. I just laugh the whole way through your posts.

Marie said...

ha ha ha ha ha! So FUNNY! So sorry about your goo, but can I just tell you the envy I experienced at the cleanliness all around me last weekend!! IT WAS AMAZING!

The Haley Family said...

You make me laugh lady! I can only imagine the sparkliness (reall word?) of your house! The oven...ew! Mine does NOT have a self clean and needs attention. Some day...when I want to look a 'little greasy'...well more than normal anyway! *hugs*