under pressure

May I just state that I am stressed? Not just your every day "Oh dang I forgot to buy milk and pay the phone bill" kind of stressed, but full on, all out, rash-inducing, zit-creating, 15 cookie-eating, obsessive picking, spontaneous crying, dog kicking (figuratively), overplucking and not sleeping STRESSED.

My shoulders are already tense from writing that. Oy.

Since you will no doubt ask, I am stressed because of the following:

1) Ammon has his 2nd Actuary exam (don't ask - just check this website: http://www.beanactuary.org/about/whatis.cfm) on Tues, June 3. Also his birthday. Poor guy - he should be the one writing this post.

2) Ammon got laid off (a blessing in that he has ample study time, a curse because, well duh: no job = no money)

3) I seem to have reached the end of my ability to tolerate boneheads (idiots/boobs/ nincompoops/nitwits/dolts - insert your favorite adjective) and work outside the home. Not that I wouldn't run across any as a stay at home mom, but my guess is that the interactions would be much less frequent. Especially since I won't technically report to one.

4) My house is a rat infested slime hole where cockroaches go to die. Perhaps that's an exaggeration but it feels that way. And I have a beloved friend coming to visit in less than 2 weeks, and I haven't the faintest idea when I'll have time to clean. Not that she would judge me, but you understand.

5) Addy has started the potty training process, which is great, but has one unpleasant side effect: post bath, she likes to run willy-nilly around the house like a little nudist, which is actually very charming and funny, until she decides to pee somewhere - usually in our bedroom (see #4). Apparently this is great fun and an endless source of entertainment.

I could go on, but you get the gist. Does a visual help? ME = see below.

I think maybe I will go read some Bloom County. Laughter is supposed to help stress, yes?

Photo update of the Lovekins

I LOVE MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh the Happy Gardener. Addy definitely gets the gardening gene from Grandma Carol.

I'm sorry, but I have the cutest kid alive.

Kyla and Addy drowning trees together. Good times.

For all you Twilight lovers out there...

...the official teaser. My take on the series: good fun, certainly not earth shattering. Liked it, but wouldn't cut off my right arm for more. I will say though, I had a dang lot of yummy vampire dreams while I was reading these.

FFA - Friday Free For All: The Maiden Voyage

Alright. I realize it is NOT Friday, but I am a working mom and that is my excuse for everything. Literally.

Anywho. I am now officially a Groupie of a fantasic blog called Friday Free For All, wherein each bonafide member takes turns picking a topic to discuss on their own blog on....Friday. Brilliant! I'm not sure what it takes to become a bonafide member (aka Genius). I think it's something akin to becoming a cardinal or the Pope (think smoke, secret ballots, crazy hats). No offense, Catholic friends. Groupie's are allowed to post responses on their own blogs. We just can't come up with new sparkling and witty topics that really should be heard and posted on FFA and discussed by all but whatever. Not bitter. Noooooo.

On to it - the topic for Friday, May 5 was: What is the lamest thing you ever did as a teenager that you thought was SOOOOO cool?

I could spend hours upon hours listing the gajillion and 4 beyond lame and stupid things I did in my formative years, but in the interest of self preservation, and your attention span, I'll limit it to three:

1) I broke my coccyx while jumping off a train trestle into a nasty swamp stream/river (fondly known to Bothell-ites as "The Slough"). The act of trestle jumping itself does not automatically = broken coccyx - but it does when you land on your rumpus. Smooth. My friend Mark had to come in and rescue me.

2) I wrote a love letter to my deam lover in 8th grade. He was in my ward and we had band together (I played the flute and he played the trumpet - soooo sexy!). If I remember right, I think I actually wrote something like: "Let's stop just staring at each other during band and admit our feelings". I also called him once while my friend Molly was with me, and I played Richard Marx in the background to help set the mood ("Wherever you go, whatever you do...I will be right here waiting for you"). I had to keep moving closer to my cassette player so he could hear it. Subtle.

3) Let's call this one THE VERY WINDY DAY. One day when I was a junior in high school, we had a CRAZY storm in the Northwest - the power went out everywhere, trees were all over the roads, power lines dangling...it was wild. Since the power was out, we got let out of school around 10am. Instead of going home as recommended, my friends and I thought we'd make a day of it and just do really dumb hooligan-ish things all day. So, that's what we did. We drove around the Bothell/Kenmore area for 5 hours, wreaking havoc:

1. We pushed over a Port-a-Potty. This was my idea. I'd always wanted to do it (don't ask me why), so we found a construction site and did it. It wasn't that exciting. It just fell over.
2. We went "bowling" at Safeway using wallpaper/wrapping paper tubes and various kinds of fruit (round). The power was out at Safeway too, so no one noticed for quite some time. I don't think we paid for that fruit. Should I mail them a check or is it too late?
3. We stole traffic cones. No real reason. Just looked like fun.
4. We also stole a stop sign. And not just any stop sign. One of those HUMONSTROUS ones that are like 4 feet across. In our defense, the sign had fallen down already due to above mentioned storm. It had not, however, become unattached from the bolts holding it on to the pole. We actually went to one of our houses to get tools, came back, and unscrewed the stop sign from it's post. In broad daylight. Can you say idiotic? The funny thing is, that we didn't know what to do with it, so it just sat in the back of my closet for about 3 months until my parents found it. Then it sat in my trunk for another 2. I really don't know what ever happened to that sad stop sign.
5. We drove around the junior high track in my Toyota Corolla. That doesn't sound really bad until you consider that it was Seattle and had been pouring rain for at least 17 straight days. It started out completely innocently - we thought we'd go drive around the parking lot of our Jr. High Alma Mater (because that is so, like, the cool thing to do), and then there was this little road and we wondered where it went and then we realized we were heading to the track and then I couldn't back up and then I was on the track and then I realized if I stopped we would get stuck for days in the absolute quagmire the track had become so I just kept driving!! Totally innocent. On our way out of the parking lot after our tour, the Vice Principal came running out of the building after us - screaming and shouting and flapping his arms a lot. I stopped the car until he had almost caught up with us, and then I freaked out and floored that little Corolla as fast as it's V-2 engine would go. We had to rake out the 20" divets in the track, and I got suspended for I think 3 days.

Now you all know the truth. And now you can all report me to the police. I am not the perfect Molly Mormon you all thought I was. Thhhpppffffftttt (that's me trying not to laugh). I suppose whether or not this was surprising will be a good indicator of how well you know me. I may LOOK like a good person, but there is a seething criminal bubbling just beneath the surface! Mwwwwuuuuuhahahahaha.

I think these little petty crimes were my way of being a rebel, since I wasn't drinking and doing drugs. What a doofus I was. Although, I have to say, that stop sign was AWESOME.

Weird things you say to your kids:

"DON'T DIP YOUR PRETZEL IN THE TOILET!"

In a word.

en·tro·py (ěn'trə-pē)

n. pl. en·tro·pies

1. Inevitable and steady deterioration of a system or society.

Does this sound like the perfect descriptor of anyone else'e life besides mine?

I do try to improve my life a bit at a time, here and there.........house a little cleaner, a little more organized, child better taught, dogs more well-behaved, books returned on time, movies watched in less than 9 sittings, relationships a little more harmonious, laundry put away before it's dirty again, etc. etc. etc., and yet....

Somehow I not only never get ahead, but I seem to be slowly sliding down the slippery slope of dirty children and unshaved legs. Is there a secret recipe for actually making one life's better, instead of being in a constant state of slow and painful deterioration?