Monday, May 05, 2008

FFA - Friday Free For All: The Maiden Voyage

Alright. I realize it is NOT Friday, but I am a working mom and that is my excuse for everything. Literally.

Anywho. I am now officially a Groupie of a fantasic blog called Friday Free For All, wherein each bonafide member takes turns picking a topic to discuss on their own blog on....Friday. Brilliant! I'm not sure what it takes to become a bonafide member (aka Genius). I think it's something akin to becoming a cardinal or the Pope (think smoke, secret ballots, crazy hats). No offense, Catholic friends. Groupie's are allowed to post responses on their own blogs. We just can't come up with new sparkling and witty topics that really should be heard and posted on FFA and discussed by all but whatever. Not bitter. Noooooo.

On to it - the topic for Friday, May 5 was: What is the lamest thing you ever did as a teenager that you thought was SOOOOO cool?

I could spend hours upon hours listing the gajillion and 4 beyond lame and stupid things I did in my formative years, but in the interest of self preservation, and your attention span, I'll limit it to three:

1) I broke my coccyx while jumping off a train trestle into a nasty swamp stream/river (fondly known to Bothell-ites as "The Slough"). The act of trestle jumping itself does not automatically = broken coccyx - but it does when you land on your rumpus. Smooth. My friend Mark had to come in and rescue me.

2) I wrote a love letter to my deam lover in 8th grade. He was in my ward and we had band together (I played the flute and he played the trumpet - soooo sexy!). If I remember right, I think I actually wrote something like: "Let's stop just staring at each other during band and admit our feelings". I also called him once while my friend Molly was with me, and I played Richard Marx in the background to help set the mood ("Wherever you go, whatever you do...I will be right here waiting for you"). I had to keep moving closer to my cassette player so he could hear it. Subtle.

3) Let's call this one THE VERY WINDY DAY. One day when I was a junior in high school, we had a CRAZY storm in the Northwest - the power went out everywhere, trees were all over the roads, power lines was wild. Since the power was out, we got let out of school around 10am. Instead of going home as recommended, my friends and I thought we'd make a day of it and just do really dumb hooligan-ish things all day. So, that's what we did. We drove around the Bothell/Kenmore area for 5 hours, wreaking havoc:

  1. We pushed over a Port-a-Potty. This was my idea. I'd always wanted to do it (don't ask me why), so we found a construction site and did it. It wasn't that exciting. It just fell over.
  2. We went "bowling" at Safeway using wallpaper/wrapping paper tubes and various kinds of fruit (round). The power was out at Safeway too, so no one noticed for quite some time. I don't think we paid for that fruit. Should I mail them a check or is it too late?
  3. We stole traffic cones. No real reason. Just looked like fun.
  4. We also stole a stop sign. And not just any stop sign. One of those HUMONSTROUS ones that are like 4 feet across. In our defense, the sign had fallen down already due to above mentioned storm. It had not, however, become unattached from the bolts holding it on to the pole. We actually went to one of our houses to get tools, came back, and unscrewed the stop sign from it's post. In broad daylight. Can you say idiotic? The funny thing is, that we didn't know what to do with it, so it just sat in the back of my closet for about 3 months until my parents found it. Then it sat in my trunk for another 2. I really don't know what ever happened to that sad stop sign.
  5. We drove around the junior high track in my Toyota Corolla. That doesn't sound really bad until you consider that it was Seattle and had been pouring rain for at least 17 straight days. It started out completely innocently - we thought we'd go drive around the parking lot of our Jr. High Alma Mater (because that is so, like, the cool thing to do), and then there was this little road and we wondered where it went and then we realized we were heading to the track and then I couldn't back up and then I was on the track and then I realized if I stopped we would get stuck for days in the absolute quagmire the track had become so I just kept driving!! Totally innocent. On our way out of the parking lot after our tour, the Vice Principal came running out of the building after us - screaming and shouting and flapping his arms a lot. I stopped the car until he had almost caught up with us, and then I freaked out and floored that little Corolla as fast as it's V-2 engine would go. We had to rake out the 20" divets in the track, and I got suspended for I think 3 days.

Now you all know the truth. And now you can all report me to the police. I am not the perfect Molly Mormon you all thought I was. Thhhpppffffftttt (that's me trying not to laugh). I suppose whether or not this was surprising will be a good indicator of how well you know me. I may LOOK like a good person, but there is a seething criminal bubbling just beneath the surface! Mwwwwuuuuuhahahahaha.

I think these little petty crimes were my way of being a rebel, since I wasn't drinking and doing drugs. What a doofus I was. Although, I have to say, that stop sign was AWESOME.


Kirsten said...

Okay-you are waaaayyyyyy too funny!!!!!!

Peggy said...

AAAAHHHH!! I LOVE it! Oh my freaking hell I am laughing my arse off. I am giving you an automatic 500 P-Bucks. Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

Great post my friend! You are so hilarious. Just when I think I know tell me something funny!!!!

Carli said...

I totally love it!

Jenni said...

Welcome, Groupie.

I have given you 5000 points if you still had the stop sign. Le sigh.

Thoroughly enjoyed the post!

Laurie said...

Oh geez, that made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Holy poo... Seriously, your post kicked mine in the... well, you know what I'm saying. (I'll leave off the swearing until I get to know you better.)

Oh man, that was great... (You know, I always wanted to steal a traffic sign - no kidding, it was an adolescent dream of mine - you're SO my hero!)

Eldrberry Grove said...

One question: did you live in a small town???? ;)