Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Do I love you my oh my? River Deep Mountain High yeah yeah yeah. If I lost you would I cry? Oh how I love you baby, baby, baby, BABY!

I find it really amusing how many concerned emails I have gotten about my "Ambien Addiction". I must also add that I am feeling a teensy defensive, and would like to explain my medical rational behind said addiction:
I NEED DRUGS.
Well...perhaps not, but it truly has gone like this: after not being able to sleep all summer due to excessive stressful events that will remain a mystery too all of you, my doctor put me on Ambien (per my request I should add if I'm being utterly truthful). And I've been taking it ever since for the following reasons:
a) I really am a chronic insomniac and really don't sleep without it
b) It's really really fun
c) I really am a closet drug addict and this is the only legal way I can satiate my need for the ultimate high. However, as I have no other point of reference, Ambien may not actually be the ULTIMATE high, which means I am buggered.

Really though - for all you concerned souls out there, my doctor told me very recently that he doesn't want me to stop taking it until our lives settle down a little more (i.e. never), and that it's not hurting me (minus the general spaciness and loss of intellect).
Do you realize how many times I just said "really"? I must stop.
Also, I write about Ambien a lot because it makes me do VERY strange and amusing things (like buying fat sucker-in-ers at 5am - aaaaah, good times).

OK so enough of my defensive stance. So, on to the question that is burning holes in your hot little minds....what is Micaela up to now, and what has she purchased, eaten, or crashed into lately?
There are of course many fun stories for all of the above, but in consideration of the busy lives of those reading this, let me sum up:
Since I last blogged, I have:
1) crashed our new car
2) seriously considered heaving the dog off the roof as she peed on the new rug for the 28th time. Why she feels like that fluffy white rug is her own personal toilet when she has a whole yard to pee in is beyond my comprehension
3) made the worlds worst ebay purchase ever (see above)
4) hosted 1100 people in my house over one weekend. OK; 7
5) not lost a single pound (yeah me!)
6) bought and forced my daughter to wear not one, but two Halloween costumes (none of which were actually worn on Halloween mind you)
7) had a very intersting conversation with someone in Latvia who was jamming out to Tina Turner in the background
8)consumed so much Diet Coke that I now bleed aspartame

Notes to the above:
1 - I am fine. No, Addy was not in the car. Yes, it was my fault. Yes, I had only had the car for one week. Yes, I crashed the Subaru after I had owned it for a week as well. No, I have not been sent back to Driver's Ed. Yet.

3 - Two words: Dust Rhinos. I saw this lovely rug at Pottery Barn (online only of course - I never buy things I've actually seen in person), and loved it so much, I searched eBay everyday with religious zeal until I found the same one. Thinking I was making a fabulous purchase and getting a great deal to boot, I immediately clicked Buy. My life has not been the same since. Never in my life have I seen one item create so much STUFF without having actually mated one of it's own and procreating. I swear I have already vacuumed up at least 5 complete rugs. How there is one piece of thread left on that floor, I will never understand. I have found what Ammon likes to call Dust Rhinos in every conceivable corner of the house, including, but not limited to: the garage, the neighbors yard, Addy's crib, and my tub. Not only can the rug multiply - it can also FLY.
And to top it all off, Idgie thinks this magical wonder of a rug is the happening venue for her daily potty party. Would anyone like to purchase a rug that magically multiplies and has 3800 "pet stains"? It's from Pottery Barn!

5) Two words: Orange Cupcakes. (or this that three? we must ask Mr. Hostess)

7) No, this was not a new husband I was trying to recruit for my harem from the Eastern Bloc, but someone for WORK. We were talking in a garbled, unintelligible, and pretty hilarious mix of Latvian and English. I think it's called Latvenglish, and the speakers of said language are known to pepperr their conversations with lyrics like "WHHOOOOA WHAT'S LOVE got to do got to with it. WHAT"S LOVE but a seconhand emotion?"

8) No explanation necessary. There was actually some discussion yesterday about the possibility of a Diet Coke fountain. Excellent notion.

As a final update, I must also confess that I have developed an alarming new guilty pleasure: watching The Bachelor. I'm obsessed! Who will Lorenzo pick? Will Sadie give up her virginity? Is there anyone more vuglgar in the world than the chick who keeps wearing crowns and referring to everyone else as commoners? If you understood any of what I was talking about, I feel your pain sister. It's a sickness.

1 comments:

Diana said...

I must hear your thoughts on the bachelor now that its done. No, I didn't watch. I have my own deep television addictions to feed.