Sunday, September 07, 2008

Plugged

OK, so I know I am WAY behind on blogging, and I do have so much to say. But, I'm tired and I have a recording of Wipeout to watch, so you'll have to wait.

But, I do feel compelled to share with you an extremely true and disturbing story:

So, most of you know that I sleep with earplugs. Ammon, bless his heart he tries so hard, snores like a drunken hippo, or at least he used to until he had sinus surgery last month.
Upon entering the state of matrimonial bliss, my options were to yell at him to roll over every 6 minutes or learn to like earplugs. I chose the latter. Now, I am addicted. Obsessed. I LOVE MY EARPLUGS and I seriously cannot live without them now. Even if I am sleeping in a hotel room all by myself, I MUST have a pair. **Sidenote - I forgot them on our recent trip, and I kid you not I didn't sleep the entire night.

One other thing you must understand about me to fully appreciate the horror this story involves: I have a very serious medical condition called "Phobia of Ear Wax". It's true. Just writing that made me throw up a little in my mouth. I have to leave the room when people discuss it (which, I must ask, why in the world would anyone think that ear wax is EVER an appropriate topic of discussion in social situations??? I don't care how close you are to your friends! Never never never talk about ear wax!!!!). Looking at it...I can't even consider.

You can understand then, why I almost passed out this morning when I woke up and realized I was chewing on something. "Hmmmm..." thought I. "That feels like a big wad of paper. How did that get in my mouth??". As I reached in to pull out the mystery wad of paper, I saw that it wasn't some innocuous ball of chewed up receipts or love notes, IT WAS ONE OF MY EAR PLUGS!!!! IN MY MOUTH!!!!!! CHEWED UP!!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh I'm going to puke.

HOW in the living heck did I put something so disgusting in my mouth, and then CHEW on it for who knows how long!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I don't even know what else to say, except that I think I am off ear plugs. Why, why, WHY would my unconscious mind do this to me???? Doesn't it know that I can't think of anything more disgusting to put in my mouth? And why was it thinking I needed something in there while I was sleeping anyway?? Do I have some kind of secret oral fixation that only a very hidden part of my mind is aware of? Have I done this before? What else have I chewed on? Luckily there aren't really any other items on my nightstand that would fit in my mouth...although....my alarm clock is very small.

Luckily, I keep a clean set of ears, but STILL. Ewwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!! I need some Scope.


5 comments:

The Cox Family said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Yuck- that is too funny! Maybe you'll just have to learn how to be "unplugged" :)

The Crace's said...

That is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me?!

Marie said...

Really funny in a very disgusting sort of way! I love reading your blogs... they always make me laugh!

Sassy Rachel said...

Ok, I am laughing...you are a hoot. I will definitely make sure I stay away from talking of EW (I won't even mention the word:)