Babies and Babies and Babies (and licenses)

So, I don't know what in the sam blazes has been happening fertility-wise around here, but I swear to the high heavens I know 1100 babies born in the last several months, and at least another 746 on the way. It's amazing, in a good way, but in also a slightly disconcerting way. On the plus side: babies! Duh. So many yummy delicious baby rolls to squish! On the other hand, I'm not sure I want to think about either the really large coincidence it is that everyone I know seems to have kids at once, or the bizarre coordination effort that must have taken place to make this happen.
And, as you might expect, this makes my biological ticker (round 2) feel like one of those really annoying alarm clocks that just keep getting louder and louder until you get up, or throw it against the wall. No, not pregnant. Still in mortal terror of the idea, but REALLY starting to want a squishy little chunk of my own again. NOT a happy combo.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a Super Shout Out to all my new mom and expecting friends who had, or are having the following kidlets. In no particular order (thank you Samantha Harris for officially making that the most boring line ever read from a teleprompter):

Caroline Eleanor

Sophie Jaelyn

Avery Jolyne

Katherine Claire

Kaden H.

Baby Boy Peterson (on the way)

Baby Girl Savage (on the way)

Elisabeth Louise

**Edited Baby BOY Siders (on the way)

Everett Roe

Baby ??? Lay

Rhys Vezzani (Ammon's sis)

Benji Gould (Ammon's other sis)

Baby Boy Johnson (Cousin Misty)

I just have to say how utterly baffling/amazing/insane/wonderful/(insert adjective of your choice here) the things that we go through to become mothers are. Stumpy toes, cankles, fickle birth moms, lame doctors, barfing, itching, heart burn, pant wetting, and excessive belly fat to name a few. And yet, we do it! The things that motherhood inspires you to do and to become are truly incredible. So good job moms!!!

And a little side note to end this post on....I am officially a LEGAL DRIVER AGAIN!!!! Hurrah!!! My suspended (NOT revoked) license was reinstated today, so now I can drive to Rock Springs at 2am if I so choose. Aaaaaaah the freedom.

CWAZY

Oh sweet sanity. My lovely friend Anya let me dump Addy off about an hour ago before I went completely B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Poor kid. I've been saying a lot lately: "You are making me CRAZY!" (don't think I'm terrible - we are in potty training hell. I'm allowed to feel crazy), and she finally said "I so sorry Mommy. I sorry you cwazy". Oh precious little peanut.

So, I thought I'd use this blissful moment of peace and no pee messes to catch up a titch. As ever, I have way too much to say! Must compress.

First off - this was from today and was too cute. This kid wants to go to school so bad! She loves her "pack-pack" and insists on wearing it even though it's at least 11 sizes too big. Also note the fab shoes - Addy had a right of passage last week and got her feet measured at Nordstrom's where we bought her first "real" pair of athletic shoes.

Oh heck. It's 5pm and I really should go pick Addy up. Poor Anya has probably locked her in the closet by now. I'll have to continue later.

Booty

Yes, yes, I know. It's been ages since I've blogged and I have way more important things to post, BUT. I just couldn't resist telling you about this little nugget first:

A few days ago, I bought the ever so delicious treat of the double bag of Pirate's Booty at Costco (if you haven't tried this yet, you must RUN out and get some post-haste). I've been slowly enjoying a few (or maybe 26) handfuls each evening as my little nighttime snack, which considering the temptation, is pretty restrained. I've known many a health nut to consume an entire Costco size bag in one sitting.

Anyway. I've been doing pretty good on rationing my PB out, when I noticed today the bag, entirely empty, lying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh CRAP", was my eloquent first thought. And then: "I've done it again. Another Ambien-addled brain run amok. I wonder if I ate the ham too...?".

Thankfully, I ate neither the bag of PB or the ham. It turns out Addy decided she needed some food storage in her room, consisting solely of Booty:

As you can see, she is extremely proud of her ingenuity, as am I. Providentliving.org would be so impressed.

I knew it.

Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester. Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable. You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work! At your best: You are uninhibited, funny, and relaxed. What people like about being around you: You're friendly, welcoming, and easy to talk to. What people dislike about being around you: You're a little sloppy and careless. How addicted people get to you: A fair amount, though they tend to deny it.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

It's Saturday Night Liiiiiiiiiiiive! With your host, Adeline Reese Crapo!!

I put Addy down for bed about 45 minutes ago, and everything was silent until the last 20 minutes or so when she apparently found her microphone and decided to express her feelings about bedtime over loudspeaker. So I'm sitting here surfing Craigslist, and this is the live feed of what I'm hearing:

8:41pm: "I am not going to bed anymoooooooooore!!! No more!! I won't do iiiiiiiiiiit!" sung to what sounds like the tune of Mamma Mia.
8:44pm: Yes, I was right. It was Mamma Mia. Now she is singing Mamma Mia. Not the correct lyrics of course, just the phrase over and over again in various pitches.
8:46pm: "Mommmmy. Micaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeela..."
8:47pm: Humming interrupted with violent (she's been sick all week) hacking and coughing directly into the mic. I almost wet my pants.
8:49pm: Muttering. Something about books and possibly pantyhose?
8:51pm: Strange banging. It's got to be either the microphone or her head against the bed. Hard to say.
8:56pm: Tuneless whining. Althought it does tend to go up and then back down in pitch, like a bell curve.
9:02pm: "neh neh neh neh. A BUG!!!!!!!!"
9:05pm: More bell curve whining.
9:09pm: It's been silent for 4 minutes....
9:11pm: Dang. Hacking followed by irritated mumbling. SO close.
9:13pm: Oh GADS. I think she's jumping on the bed. ******INTERVENTION FORTHCOMING. Daddy is listening at the door. Hold on - the jumping stops; Daddy moves away.
9:14pm: Silence. Perhaps Ammon's shadow was enough to quiet her down. Ah the power of intimidation.
9:15pm: Wrong again. "Mommmmy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommmmmmmy. Mommy".
9:16pm: Feet kicking. "BLEH" (hey I'm just recording what I hear).
9:21pm: Sad moaning. "Mommy!" Plaintive wailing. "Mama mommy mama!" I will be strong.
9:30pm: I caved. However, this turns out to have been the right move and she had (surprise) become uncovered from her blankets and was just too darn pooped to do anything about it. Hence the low grade whine. Anyway, she seems fine now.
9:39pm: Awwwww, sweet peace.

Addy's Room Redesign - HELP PLEASE!!

Addy's 3rd birthday is coming up on April 3 (How did this kid make it to THREE??), and for her present, we are going to upgrade her into a "Big Girl" bed and room. Here's the pickle: she is certainly an opinionated kid, but she has no idea what she wants, so she's been completely useless in helping me figure out bedding/paint/etc. This is a plus of course because I get to pick whatever I want, but...I don't know what I want either!! I want to be sure it's cute and age appropriate, but something that will also last awhile - i.e. no Hannah Montana/Disney Princesses.

I'm posting below a few ideas I've had and I'm going to open up a voting poll. PLEASE VOTE!! I need other opinions!! I mostly looked at kids stores, so if you've seen bedding somewhere else that would be cute for a little toddler muffin, PLEASE send me a pic. I'm not totally in love with anything yet, so any new ideas would be most welcome. THANKS!!!! How about for the person that manages to find me the perfect bedding, I will bake some fab cupcakes of your choice...unless you live out of state.....then you just get my air kisses. Loves!

1. OWL #1 (drawback - this one is muy expensive so I could probably only get 1 piece - probably the quilt)

2. HAWAIIAN HIBISCUS (Ammon thinks this one would be ridiculous since we live in a land locked state. Eh??? Silly man.)

3. OWL #2 (cute, but not sure I'm in love with the color palette)

4. RED HAWAIIAN (fun, but what in the heck color do you paint a room to match this???)

5. FUNKY FLOWERS (certainly intersting, but too much?)

6. BASIC POLKA DOTS (either pink or green -no more purple allowed. Too boring?)

7. GREEN STITCHING (also maybe a little dull?)

FUNNIEST. VIDEO. EVER.

ALRIGHT I CONFESS! I caved.

4 days without sleep, it turns out, is my max. I just couldn't take it. I know, I know, I am a big wuss with a drug problem, but I'm pretty okay with that. Besides - instead of feeling like I want to do this everywhere:

I look more like this (albeit slightly older):

**To clarify: this is supposed to be what wide eyed and perky looks like.

But have no fear friends, for I have a PLAN. Whenever we talked about the Plan of Salvation on my mission, either my companion or I would invariably say it in Hollywood dramatic style "THE PLAN". So anyway. My plan (in case you care), is that instead of letting myself stay up and get up at any time all willy nilly whenever I feel like it, I now have a bedtime and a wakeup time. It's like being 6 years old and in seminary all at the same time. Plus, instead of going from 5 mg of Ambien to zero, I'm going down to 2.5 mg first. That may be slightly less shocking to my system. And oh yes - I am locking the pantry after 9pm. So far, THE PLAN seems to be helping. We'll see.

And FYI - yes, I have tried hot baths/no baths/Melatonin/Valerian root/warm milk/cold milk/no food/lots of food/no Diet Coke/many Diet Cokes/reading to fall asleep/not doing anything in bed but sleep/nothing exciting after 10pm/exercise/keeping pen and paper by my bed....you get the idea. Being on Ambien is not for want of trying other things. I have, as my esteemed physician put it, serious sleep issues.

I give, I give!!!

It is almost midnight-thirty here on Day 4 of my Ambien-Free-Sleep-or-Bust marathon, and I am literally inches away from throwing in the towel. Here's how things have gone so far:

Day 1: Went to bed around 2:30, and actually went to sleep reasonably fast, and stayed asleep. Happy Day.
Day 2: Not as happy. Went to bed around 1:30 - tossed around more or less all night long.
Day 3: Not happy. Went to bed about 1, probably fell asleep about 2:30. So tired.
Day 4: Very seriously unhappy. EXHAUSTED by 8pm - bleary/red eyes, cranky pants, yada yada, but just cannot lay down until 11 - right about the time I feel like I will either fall asleep on the stairs on the way to bed or in the bathroom sink while brushing my teeth. I laid in bed until...now. What is with my mind?? It just spins and spins and thinks about primary and what color to paint Addy's room and what the annual cost of my Ambien is and did I remember to pay the water bill, etc. (answers: blue, a lot, and no).
I just cannot figure out what happens between the brushing my teeth and crawling into bed that makes my brain think that THIS is the perfect time to solve the AIDS crisis in Africa. Argh!!!

The other thing weakening my resolve (besides the obvious crippling lack of sleep) is a little tidbit I heard today from a friend....that apparently you CAN have Ambien while you are pregnant. Her friend took it every day her entire pregnancy. Come again? Que? Pardon? Wat? Oh hells bells. Why am I putting myself through this agony again?
Note - I am NOT pregnant, but may at some point in the future be willing to put myself through that again, and when such a time comes, I had planned on NOT being an addict of any variety. Ah well. The best laid plans...

Two thoughts...yes, just two.

OK, I realize that I haven't blogged in ages, and that I have much more important things to discuss (80's party recap, trip to Seattle, vowing to never have more kids, etc.), but I cannot resist sharing deep love for my favorite guilty pleasure...The Bachelor. For those of you that watched the finale last night and After the Rose #1 (#2 happens tonight), you have to admit that was some DARN GOOD TV!!! Gads I love a good crazy drama.

Second thing on my mind today is my other favorite guilty pleasure...Ambien. I've always known that if I hadn't the influence of church in my life, I would definitely be a rowdy crack addict rodeo clown. Or an alcoholic blackjack dealer. Or maybe a plastic surgery addict addicted to my kids' ADD meds. Either way, it would have been ugly and I would have been much more likely to be featured on Cops than I am when I host Bunko.

Thankfully, instead of pursuing a life of tawdriness, I've taken the medically safer route of being a good LDS wife, mother, sister, and primary chorister (although perhaps the latter is not always medically safe. Hmmm...) and self medicated with Nutella, Diet Coke, and Ambien instead of crack and Adderall.

Aaah Ambien. Oh how I love thee. Those who know me well know that I have a very serious love/hate relationship with sleep. I adore sleeping but loathe going to bed, which presents a conundrum...hence the Ambien. While it makes me happy and I sleep like a champ, it has had the unfortunate albeit amusing side effect of making me eat bizarre things at bizarre hours (see previous posts), which in turn has the not surprising effect of slowing turning me into a large desert warthog.

I have better hair and definitely a better shoe collection, but this does not negate my need for a diet.

Which brings me to my main point. As of today, I am officially entering Ambien detox. I've gotten myself down to only half a pill/night, but it's time to quit the juice entirely and go cold turkey. So, you can safely bet that tonight will entirely suck, and will include me weeping on the couch at 3:30am watching either infomercials (I'm putting the credit cards away as we speak), or Can't Buy Me Love for the 8th time.

Wish me luck and check back tomorrow to see how my willpower held out!