Tuesday, March 14, 2006

28 weeks, 5 days Cranky Scale = 3

Oh it's been too long. I think partly I've still been trying to process the horror that was my weekend. You know how you get really excited for the weekends, thinking of all the fun things you'll do, or the many long naps you will take on the couch in front of the TV (which is what I always looked forward to the mostest)? No more. For me at least, these little luxuries lose their luster (nice alliteration) during gestation.

For starters, doing anything other than lying in a prone position appeals about as much as sticking toothpicks in my eye, so that cancels out pretty much everything. Except going out for dinner. I will put up with a lot for food.
However, to add insult to injury, even lying on the couch has become a chore. Not only does it hurt your back while lying there (laying? lying? what are the mysterious rules of grammar here?), but watching TV sideways tends to give you a ripping headache after a while. And tell me, have YOU ever tried to sit yourself up with a 40 lb bag of flour strapped to your stomach? Not an easy feat. I feel more and more like my grandmother. This is the sweet woman who once tried to get out of one of those IKEA poing chairs, but had gotten herself so wedged in, that she ended up kneeling on the floor with the chair up in the air, still attached to her backside. I kid you not. It was oh so sad, but oh so hilarious at the same time. Poor woman.
Anyway. Take that visual and apply it to me everytime I get off the couch. If there isn't a person or crane there to hoist me, a good ten minutes of grunting and swearing ensues.

So on to the highlight of my weekend...

After a probably too large breakfast of waffles and bacon (per my request), I proceeded to get violently ill in the kitchen sink. By the way I must mention that there is some value in becoming ill after a large meal. I enjoyed everything I ate, and after I'm done throwing up, I just go back and finish up (after the requisite teeth brushing/mouth cleansing of course). I'm starting to think that maybe those bulimics are really on to something. Anyway - bygones.

So, apparently this time, I became a little TOO violently ill, because after I was finished and went to the bathroom for said requisite cleanup, I took a look in the mirror and scared myself to death. I had thrown up so hard that all the blood vessels on my eyelids and under my eyes had burst, leaving me looking like a really puffy, crying vampire. Seriously - it was one of the more terrifying things I have seen yet.
You know how they say not to say that it can't get any worse? THEY. WERE. RIGHT. Don't ever say that or you will turn into a TURNIP! That seems like the next worse thing that could happen from here, but who knows? I'm sure my body will come up with something even better.