Oh Shaaaauuunnnna Ohhh Shauuunnnna. Oh wait - that was Oh Donna.

Dedicated to Shauna: The Fashion Naysayer

OK Miss I Can't Find Anything Remotely Cute To Wear That Doesn't Cost As Much As Brain Transplant - this blog's for you.

Fashion Truth #1: Reasonably priced items do not necessarily = AWESOME.

Fashion Truth #2: AWESOME does not necessarily = first born child.

My rules: Unless I decide I will have an aneuryism if I don't buy that certain pair of shoes, I pretty much never buy anything full price. And let me tell you ...don't be intimidated by Nordstroms's, or Banana, or JCrew, or any other store you hold fantasies about going into because if you just keep going back, you will be rewarded. The trick here is frequency. See something you like...give it a few days...check back...maybe something else just got marked 70% off. And so on.

Ex# 1 I was mindlessly flipping through the sale racks at BR, when what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a fabulous pair of dress slacks that were normally $128 that were on sale for $34.98, and they were in petite! Bonus!

Ex #2

See this cute little number? This is for kids of course (this is a size 2 for girls). Beautiful lined party dress that regularly goes for $158. Would any of you pay that much for a party dress for a 2 year old? Not I. But, lucky me, this dress is on sale for $23.99, and so I promptly bought one. Even if I don't use it for Addy next summer, I could sell it on eBay for a smashing good deal.

OK, are you convinced that there is reasonably priced fashion outside of Target (I love Target as much as the next girl)? You may have to venture into the world of online shopping...but there are ways around shipping costs/returns, etc. Don't let it initimidate you, young padawan!

So, note that this is round one: T-shirts for hot Georgia sweatiness. Please also see last blog for sweaty recommendations. We can pick another theme later, but here you go...many cute tees for under $20.
Behold:

Lucy gingko rib tee - new greed - $19.99

Gap 3/4 sleeve scoop neck henley - heather gray - $7.99

Lucy watercolor poppies tee - white - $19.99

J.Crew Solid classis pique polo - in bright papaya - $15.99

J.Crew Tie-Dye Cotton Tee - in vivid lime - $15.99 I LOVE this shirt - I think it's super cute. May have to buy one for myself!!

Gap striped cap sleeve scoop neck T - orange - $7.99 - I may have to get one of these too.

I knew this wouldn't appeal to everyone, but just for fun, I had to throw in this J.Crew dress: reguarly priced at $138, now at $39.99. It would like utter pooh on me, so someone else needs to buy it. J.Crew Bermuda striped ruffled shirtdress - summer pink (also comes in navy).

Brought to you by...shameless plugs:

For Cassy...

Wow, don't you wish you were a nursing mom so you could be THIS sexy?

I know I do. And Cassy, you're in luck! This bra now also comes in a K cup! (how big is that anyway? 3 watermelons?)

Dirty Diana...Ok she's not really dirty, but if there is a song with your name, I will use it.

I really should be working on my lesson for church on Sunday, but...I'm having writers block and shopping is more fun oh no I did not really mean that I am going to hell because I like shopping more than teaching aaaaahhhh!

OK because I am lazy, I am not organizing this in any fabulous way, but finnnnnallly...here are my selections for Diana to go to a family reunion in a barn in August somewhere really hot.

I adore this top with every fiber of my being, and it would look super cute on Diana. If you are going for muy casual, you could do these cute little clam diggery's...
OR...snazz it up a titch with a skirt. No sense in going formal. Again, this is in a barn.
Or you could always do my favorite standby of white top/cute skirt.
I also adore this dress, however, there is no way to guesstimate how long the legs of the iron dress stand are, and whether this would be a touch slutty or not. V. sad. Because I think it's fab and would be HAWT. Damn Paris!

All of the above attire is from Anthropologie.

I will not attempt to explain why the following picture of the flip flops is so frigging huge. It does NOT mean I like them more than everything else. I simply have better things to do with my time than to dither about with jpeg sizes whatsyjiggies (translation: I am secretly a technophobe).

Bygones.

I think these flip flops, which are a smidge dressier than your typical Old Navy plastics, would go with any of the above outfits, and would be appropriate for an event held in...yes, a barn. In the middle of August. In...Florida? Somewhere sweaty.

Behold the glory of J.Crew:

Be warned - when you go to the J.Crew website, it starts singing to you. I was very confused and thought my neighbor was serenading me for a minute.

*Sidenote. Speaking of sweat... this stuff works like nobody's business. I highly recommend.

Back to shoes... If you're feeling wedgie (I didn't say you HAVE a wedgie), these are good fun:

As Marie would say, JS makes a cute pair of shoes (Jessica Simpson). To add a little color, I love these. Now whether they would go with all the above outfits is another story, but I still love them. Plus, not all of us have legs that are shaped quite right (i.e. does not have cankles) to wear ankle straps. Diana is one of these people who has lovely legs and would look quite good with all this ribbon going on - also because, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you've complained about your ankles being too skinny? If I'm mixing you up with someone else, deepest apologies. I think your ankles are lovely. Anyway, all the ribbon would hide any unflattering skinniness, if such skinniness exists.

Too cute, no? I could never wear these, so someone must buy. Plus, they are on sale. These are both from Piperlime.com.

OK I think that is quite enough for one day. Shauna...I haven't forgotten about you. Fashionable clothing at reasonable prices coming up! Did that sound like a Ross ad or what?

Oh, and Ashby...this would be my perfect room from the great PB:

I know, it's not a room, but oh man, wouldn't this be nice? My ultimate home decorating fantasy.

First Ever Personal Shopping Experience! (formal)

OK, here is my very first personal shopper find. Keep in mind that this dress is not intended for adult use - unless you are going to a 70's dance party and smoking a lot of weed. Or whatever drug was hip in the 70's.

How freaking cute would this be on a little love? My friend is going to a family reunion in a BARN, so I thought this would be cute for her little one who will be about 15 months by then. Adorable, no? I found this at Boden.

Still working on the outfit for mama, but we'll get there.

**Sidenote: it is 9pm and all I've eaten since noon is a bowl of cereal, half of which Addy ate anyway. And yet, I cannot stop shopping!!! Either I have found my calling, or I need therapy.

Cause we are living in a material world, and I am a Material Girl

Premature disclaimer: this is going to be a long and fruity blog that will give you much to ponder, so if you haven't already put your feet up with a bowl of pudding, you best take care of that now.

My friend Diana and I were talking the other night about what spastic spenders we are, and what kind of pyschological dysfunction this comes from. I love how she put it... "Iiiiii neeeeeeeed.........A SHRUB! andwehavetogogetitrighthtisminuteoritwon'tbetheexactoneiwantaaahhhhhh!" I laughed at her insanity because I have just the exact same cocktail of obsessive, impulsive, sheer and utter spastic spending going on. No two ways to say it. Do any of my other crazies out there do this? You suddenly feel that you've had direct revelation that you MUST buy a shrub (insert here whatever applies, i.e. purse/shoes/noodle ramen/20 tons of gravel?) and you MUST buy it NOOOOW. NOW! You feel like the couch gave you the ejector electric hiney shock and so you LEAP off the offending furniture and run willy nilly with your arms flailing about all the way (shouting Willy Nilly!!! Shrubs!!!) to the approriate store that will fulfill this deepest, darkest compulsion and when you find it you just start throwing credit cards at the scared check out lady - just let me have it!!! I MUST BUY!!! And if's she too slow, you may even leap over the checkout stand and grab that scanner from the IQ deficient being you were saddled with, because for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY IT IS NOT THAT HARD TO SCAN 18 wheelbarrows!!!!

Has anyone done this? Me neither. But it sounds like a heaping good time.

Speaking of shopping, I've been thinking that it would be fun to channel, or harness, if you will, all of "shopping energies" into something that may do something positive for a change instead of just ruining my credit score. So, I think I want to become a personal shopper. I really haven't the foggiest notion of how to attempt somethint like this, so I thought I would start with a few test runs.

What you and I, lovely reader, are going to do is set out on a little adventure I like to call "Letting Micaela Dress You: Akin to sticking hot pokers in your eyes, or to a warm bath with a sea salt scrub?"

So here is what I need from you! I need submissions of info about you and what you are looking for. I will then search high and low, hither and yon until I find what I think the best thing would be. Once I have found said item(s), I will then post what you asked for, etc. and then post my response, and everyone can provide a rating on whether or not I done good.

Sound fun? I think so!

So, you can send me a submission either via email micaelacrapo@gmail.com or just comment on this blog and I'll see it.

Most of you that read this, I know pretty well. But. If there is some brave soul out there who I haven't met yet, I'll need a clear idea of your personality, likes/dislikes, a picture of you, favorite brands of whatever you're looking for (clothing or housewares or makeup). For everyone, I will of course need a clear idea of what your looking for and how you plan to use it, and a general price range.

I will shop for you for almost anything - furniture, makeup, cleanser, shoes, clothes, etc. Of course, you don't have to actually buy what I find for you - it will just be pics and links to websites that I'll give you. If at least 10 people submit, the winner (who I matched best) will get a FREE MAC LIPSTICK picked out for you, by me. Your secret shopper.

OK this was sort of a wild hair idea, but I think it could be fun.

Happy Submitting! Nighty nightcaps. I'm off to bed with Harry. Potter that is.

Tell me why I don't like Mondays, I wanna shooooooot the whole day down

OK I am going to cry now because I just wrote a really long and delicious blog complete with pictures and links, and then I lost it because I just had to check my Paris Hilton link. Damn Paris!


Anyway, I wanted to sum up my first day of work for you because it was so....I don't even know how to describe it. I'll just give you a list of the day's achievements and you can decide for yourself:

1. Spit large chunk of Cliff bar on new co-worker - excellent first impression
2. Tripped over poorly hemmed pants in front of boss
3. Started period - while sitting at boss's desk
4. Developed at least 147 blisters, all the size of Alaska, preventing me from walking without looking like a hobbled chicken
5. Broke my favorite nail (left hand ring finger. v. sad)

Not quite what I imagined when I thought of what my first day would be like - I had been going for more of a blindingly sparkly first impression - much like Glinda the Good Banker. Alas. Things can only improve no?

Notes on previous blog: I love the Target wardrobe idea, and it would work great if I wasn't shaped like a VERY SHORT BEACH BALL. Only long legged woodland creatures can put on cheap clothes and make them look like Dolce & Gabbana. It takes some seriously good tailoring to make this arse look classy and professional. Really though - Target doesn't have clothese for short squatties. Very few places do I am discovering.

I am also adding two new features to my blog: Favorite Item of the Day (could be anything at all) and Celebrity News Story that made me Chuckle with Glee

Favorite Item(s) of the Day:

Best Magazine ever

Everyone needs a yellow purse, says I!

Celebrity New Story that made me Chuckle with Glee:

WAY too easy.

45 nights in jail for Paris

My mind a vacuum - there is nothing here to sustain life.

My lands. Things must be in sorry state for me to be blogging after such an unnecessary hiatus, and at such an hour. For me, only bad things happen after 11pm, especially when I've taken 2 Ambien this time to try and knock out the beast (i.e. me). The bad things that could happe are either baby waking for who knows why and for how long, or my SUDDEN INSATIABLE DESIRE TO BUY...LAMPSHADES KITCHEN WALL HANGINGS BABY HATS AND A CASE FOR MY IPOD SHUFFLE! It mattereth not, as long as I purchase.

If someone is awake out there, please come and shut off my power if I start wandering over to Ebay. Only death and mayhem awaits at Ebay. Seriously the site is like crack. I logged in yesterday morning to see about some good deals on sensible heels, and not 24 hours later, I literally have in my watch list everything from an anthropologie lampshade, to some used jeans, to 3 more purses I don't need, the list goes on. The only SHOES I have on there I should have are 3.5 inch pink heels by Kate Spade, which although not sensible per se, are OXYGEN.

On to other newsies. So, I have finally been relinqueshed from the hell called Lionbridge and I get to QUIT on Wed!! Hooray for me!! Although I am having to give up the wondrous joy that comes from wearing whatever you want and looking like you just tied one on for a 3 day stint at work...I've decided there are more important things than dressing like Axl Rose at work. Hmmm. Perhaps Axl is a bad example. For one, my lips (or anyone else's that belongs to the human race) are not that large. And I tend to avoid tying really long ugly scarves to my headset (duh - we don't use microphones at work). So who is a better example...hmmm...something like a cross between John Cusack in Say Anything mixed in with some the skater guy in Clueless with a dash of Carrie Bradshaw to even things out. Are you getting a clear image? Bygones. There are better things than getting to dress like this, such as...not being yelled at by mean and cranky old ladies who need to retire, or logging in everything to make for darn sure that those files get out blah blah blah...this is even boring me.

Either way, my whole world is about to shift again and it is back to high heels and pricey purses baby! I'm going back into banking, but this time for US Bank (the horror!!) and in SALES. Da Da Duuuuuuuuuuuuuun. It's not quite as bad as it sounds - mostly just excessive amounts of schmoozing/slobbering/salivating all over our clients. Fun Times! But, it does me free reign to buy nice clothes/shoes/purses/accessories because we certainly don't want me to embarass the bank by having a *gasp* purse from the Fossil outlet. And of course there is the minor detail that I don't fit into any of my old cutey cute banking clothes. The purses you of course don't grow out of, but I sold all those to pay for...something else. I don't remember. Anyway, even my shoes don't fit anymore (Darn you Adeline! I will get you someday for this!).

So what I'd love to hear are the great deals, the new looks, the fab styles you have all encountered. Plus, your opinion on the Kate Spade shoes: Too much?

Or how about this purse - also too much? I pretty much know the answer here.

I think this one looks much more sensible, but perhaps a touch boring?



But this could be loads of fun.




On to what you really want to see..more Addy pictures. Because I know that my child is the focal point of everyone else's universe in addition to mine. These are from Easter and her 1st bday party.

I'll have many more pictures to post later. As soon as I can find the bloody camera.

Dooooon't forget me when I'm gonnnnne; Cause my heart would break. Iiiiiiiii have loved you for so loooooong.

Bloggywood...lalalalalala Hollywood. Did ya'll watch the Oscar's last night? May I say that Mr. Dicaprio has turned himself into a right fine looking man? It only took him 30 years to get through puberty, but hey...boy came through and he looks good. Mr. Al Gore, on the other hand, did not. Ah well.

So I've decided that there must be a secret rule in Hollywood that you cannot hold a SAG card (if you don't know what that is, you are not cool enough to read this blog mom - it's the Screen Actors Guild) unless you are also a registered Democrat lefty liberal. I'm sorry, but "Green Oscars"? Who gives a hootenanny? Apparently George Clooney does, so I'd better hush up because he just might read this and become seriously offended. I should note here that I have been considered by some to be a Democrat lefty liberal (who is going to hell for said status), so I don't as a general rule disagree with all things lefty and green. But I'm still confused about the green Oscars. Did they typically burn down sad little trees who couldn't defend themselves to kick off the show? Or perhaps the toilets were previously made of marble (evil pig aristocrats) instead of recycled fibers that give you butt splinters. Who knows? Only Al, and he ain't tellin.

OK so it is muy late and although I am muy tired and have to haul my sorry butt to work tomorrow, my wee little mind has started spinning like a top, and it would take horse tranquilizers to get me down now. My body actually LAUGHS at me now when I take an Ambien. "HA! You dumb weasle! Do you really think those piddly 10 mgs are going to make a dent in this Berlin Wall of resistance we have created?? Hahahaha! Try a Xanax, I bet that'll help. Woohoohhahahahah!" As you can see, my body and I are not on good terms at present.

This is becoming a bad state of affairs, as my body not only has control of my brain, hence sleeping abilities, but it also seems to have taken control of my will power, fat burning skills, appetite (x1000), and turned me into ONE GIANT pile of flabbiness. It has become hard to distinguish where one pile of flab begins and the other ends. For example, the perky little "muffin top" that some women (I won't name them...) complain about, is dainty and sweet compared to what I now have deemed "The rolling lava flow". It cometh up out of the pants, and it falleth over the pants.

Alas. It is time for some serious intervention. I honestly don't know if I would fit into my pregnancy pants, and if that doesn't just scream like a cry for help, I don't know what else would. So, I leave it to YOU, dear reader. Hit me with your best shot. Your most awesomest fail-safe fat obliterating diet/surgical endeavor or cocktail of weekly body cleansers. I want it all.

My own diet efforts so far have included:

#1 Putting on Spanx. I have decided that attempting to put on a pair of spanx is an aerobic workout all unto itself. This sounds like a great perk (exercise points for weight watchers!), but the downside is that if, by some sublime miracle, you actually DO get them on, and manage to get on over them whatever was too tight to put on in the first place, you have now sweated at least 4 cups of liquid, your hair has gone all spastic and curly because of the humidity your huffing and puffing created. And oh yes - look in the mirror. See that face? See the color of it? Like an overripe tomato? That one doesn't go away for HOURS. So really, you might as well have just gone to the gym instead.

#2 Lying on the couch watching American Idol reruns with a giant tube of cookie dough to knaw from at will. While considerably more fun than diet #1, it seems to be having more of an adverse effect on the rolling lava flow: i.e., it makes it flow further and further is bad.

#3 CDP. I would like to introduce you all to the sheer hilarity and idiocy, of the nightly...CRAPO DANCE PARTY!! I am not kidding. Ammon and I decided on one wild afternoon that we really loathe all forms of exercise, but truly enjoy flailing around in our living room to "Dance Like Nobody's Watching" to quote whatever country starlet penned those immortal words. Oh, and we make DARN SURE nobody is watching. Close the blinds, dim the lights, push the coat rack in front of the entry window (and add more coats to fill any holes is necessary).

Oh seriously, we really do look like break time at the mental institution with the patients that haven't mastered limb coordination from being too heavily drugged. But, it's fun! And we do seem to burn some calories, so I think we may continue this tradition of secret nightly humiliation. Cause I am NOT getting on that treadmill anytime soon.

And to close off the day, I've added a few pics for your perusing pleasure.

Bad daddy! He let me conk out in my high chair!

Hahaha - I win! I have the duck AND the washcloth on my head!

Another example of neglectful parenting...she backed herself under the TV stand and couldn't get out. It was pretty funny though.

And the classic finger up the nose.

And my personal favorite - baby's first ponytail!

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999.

Good Morning and Happy New Year! Prince (or Prince the artist who was formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince) and I are happy to report that we have successfully entered a New Year, that I have a kleenex hanging out of my nose right now, and that I did NOT take an Ambien last night. Hurrah! Demons be gone!

It took me a couple hours to get to sleep, but once I finally did, I slept like a little Cherub. I did, however, have a wicked crazy dream that I was in love with my cousin, who was not actually my cousin but a combination of Paul Walker and an Elder I knew in the MTC, and that my dad went totally nuts because of the alien invasion and started chasing everyone around with a creme brulee torch. I am not making this up. Well, now we know that it was not the Ambien giving me the acid trip dreams. It is just my psyche, which I find even more alarming.

Ooooh Rolo's! I just found a stash of Christmas candy at my desk and I think I will have many Rolo's for breakfast.

On to the business at hand. I am a little late, as it is now Jan 6, but I think I am still within thelegitimate window of resolution making. I've thought long and hard for a good 12 minutes about this, and here is what I have come up with:

New Year's Resolutions:

1) Get off the crack (ambien)

2) Refrain from buying any more Coach purses - 27 is plenty (see picture of new perfect bag below)

3) Try and use your new treadmill at least twice in the new year

4) Do not get pregnant. Do not even consider getting pregnant. Do not let Ammon sleep in the same room.

5) Marry the cleaning lady (see explanation below)

6) Find a cure for ear wax (the most repellant substance in nature)

And I'm spent. That is plenty to do for one year.

Picture of new most perfect bag (by request). *Please note - this picture was pulled off eBay and does not do justice to the glory and wonder that is my new purse. OK, perhaps I am exaggerating a smidge since it is NOT able to julienne zuchini in addition to carrying all my junk. However, it does match everything which is almost as good.

Explanation to #5: I found the most blessed cleaning creature in existence a few weeks ago. I have never seen any establishment as clean as my house was. She didn't just do toilet paper points, she did toilet paper FLOWERS or was it a cactus? I'm not sure; I didn't even know such a possibility existed! Anyway, she is fabulous and SO CHEAP but after sitting down and doing our budget, we thought when faced with a choice between buying groceries and employing a cleaning lady, it was a struggle, but we went with the former. Solution = marry her, and then she can clean my house all the time! Although perhaps I should have Ammon marry her instead. I think she might be an illegal alien, so this would be a bonus for her too! Really, I wouldn't be exploiting her at all!

Addy update: she discovered a new noise this last week - lip smacking. It is very cute. She is trying so hard to crawl! Here are a few recent pics...

I've also included pictures of the dogs who are very embarassed of the outfits mom made them put on, and the ridiculous amount of snow we've had in the last few weeks. It was all great fun until I blithely and naively backed out of my driveway without looking at the 3 foot drift in my way and high centered myself.




HAPPY NEW YEAR! And to all a good night.